I May Never Sleep Again

I know people say this all the time when you have kids. But Malaina wasn't that difficult in the sleep department. At about 3 or 4 months, she had a relatively consistent sleep schedule. 2 naps during the day, about an hour and a half each, and bedtime around 9pm until 8am. Totally do-able. But Justin is killing me. He naps for no more than 20 minutes a day, unless we happen to be driving. And it can take me a good hour and a half to get him settled down at night. I finally went to the library and checked out Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. It's a common sense book that stresses the importance of a schedule for the baby. And of course, this schedule should begin from Day One. I started reading the book last night after struggling to get him to sleep once again. A few things seem to be working, but I need to break his dependence on eating in the middle of the night. He doesn't really eat, just snacks & falls back asleep. It's twice as bad, as I am exhausted and fall asleep as soon as I get him snuggled up next to me. He wouldn't settle down last night, and I finally caved at 4 am when I knew he was hungry and wanted to eat. Of course that was also the first time I actually slept last night.

Nap time was nightmare-ish today. He fell asleep at church twice, but didn't sleep for more than 20 minutes each time. When we got home, I followed the book, and as soon as I saw him rubbing his eyes and staring into the distance, I cuddled him, patted him, and laid him in the crib. He went down like a dream, but 20 minutes later he was awake again. I tried soothing him, but nothing worked for more than a few minutes. Then he got MAD. I don't like the idea of 'crying it out', but nothing seemed to console him. I knew he wanted to eat for a few minutes, but I also knew he wasn't really hungry (I had fed him about an hour prior). I stayed strong, and just tried to soothe him by carrying him, rocking him, patting him, etc. No go. This was his first full blown tantrum, and it was hard to listen to (I'm a total sucker for crying, and always want to hold & comfort the kids). After a good half hour+, he settled down again and slept for another 30 minutes, but was then wide awake. Of course he later fell asleep in his Jumper (it's like Ambien for babies).

I'm not one of those moms who hover and race in at the slightest sound, but he seems to wind up really easily when it comes to sleep. I end up laying in bed, listening for him to start to whimper and end up just being really tense and not sleeping at all. I can't do this forever unless I can support a serious caffeine habit. And that wouldn't be healthy right now. I feel overwhelmed, as I know the issue is intertwined with sleep, crib, family bed, and nursing. I know I've given him bad habits, but just don't know how to go about breaking them (or where to start first). I am just so very very tired.

Creme Brulee:1, Self-Control:0

I like food, and I'm not afraid to say it. I enjoy preparing it & I enjoy eating it even more (especially if I don't have to do the dishes afterward). In my tiny family, I am notorious for my food cravings. During pregnancy it was gyros, grapefruit, grapefruit juice, milk, burritos, and lots of ice cream. I've been doing well on the 'diet' which I started along with my exercise/ get healthy program this week. It's nothing specific, just keeping a food diary (a first for me, and something I'm not terribly comfortable with), and eating less pasta & bread and more fruits and veggies. Well, after I made the angel food cake to go with my Strawberry Shortcake for Tuesday's party, I had 9 egg yolks left. I hate to waste good food, but couldn't think of much to do with them. Enter epicurious, and their genius search feature. You can enter an ingredient, and up pops a plethora of options. In my search for 'egg yolks', I stumble across Creme Brulee. I love creme brulee, and the recipe looked fairly easy, so I thought "why not"? Well...... I've had two servings today. They were not at the same time, and one was topped with raspberries (another fruit serving!). It was sooooooo good, but I am wrestling with my guilt about this, as I was beginning to feel a little pride in building consistency with better eating habits. I can rationalize with the best of them, but can't seem to do so in this case. I definitely didn't need the second serving, and I probably could have powered through it. But I know myself. I would have obsessed over it. And obsessed. And obsessed. I might have even ended up digging through the fridge in the middle of the night. I'm hopeful I can move on from this (the craving, the guilt), and view tomorrow as another opportunity to make healthy choices. Not every day can be perfect, and the great thing is that tomorrow always offers the chance to improve upon yesterday. Good news: I am feeling more energetic, and am enjoying the BBC class. Bad news: I am SORE (I didn't think I was so out of shape, but I was wrong. So very, very wrong).

It's a Des Moines love-fest

That seems like a very un-us thing to say, but both Matt and I admitted to each other this week that we really like Des Moines. When we had to decide which school to finalize our acceptance to, I campaigned hard for Des Moines. I just had a really good feeling about coming here. I thought it would be good for the family (mid-Western values), and good for his academic career (DMU is a top-notch D.O. school). As soon as we arrived here, I knew we had made the right decision. I know part of that confirmation was the joy of no longer needing to commute 2 hours every day (we spent a ton on gas money), but there's a lot going for Des Moines. First, we love where we live. I could trade in apartment living in a heartbeat, but I did end up choosing a great city and a good location (pat on the back to me). I love that everything we really need is within a 5 mile drive - 2 malls, Target, Wal-Mart, Costco, church, pre-school. And even better, there's a great trail that runs behind the apartment (which takes us right to the corner grocery). Plus just up the hill & through a small development there's a great park and the library across the street.

The weather hasn't really bothered us either. Snow, ice, freezing temperatures? We're OK with that (granted, we didn't have a driveway or sidewalk to plow). And although today is quite humid, the past week has been beautiful. 80 degrees, relatively low humidity, lots of sunshine. I told Matt that this is the first year since grade school that I have been really excited for summer to start. We've been so busy, and there's so much yet to do. I'm looking forward to 4th of July, swim lessons, visiting the wading pools at the local parks, movies on the lawn at the West Des Moines city hall, possibly going to Minneapolis for a few days, and just getting outside to enjoy the sunshine and cool breeze.

I know that we'll be moving next summer to start rotations, and I'm already sad about that. I wish we could stay in Des Moines, but we're pretty sure it will be better for Matt's career if we explore programs outside Iowa. But the good thing is that we now know how great DM is, and we can always come back. I always envisioned heading back west when we were done with Residency, but now I'm not so sure. Oregon is grey & rainy much of the year, and is getting so expensive. Nevada is a little too desert-y for my taste. California? Well, if it weren't for the traffic, people, smog and outrageous housing prices, then maybe. Utah? Too much pressure to be the perfect Mormon (seriously, I think I would crack under the stress of it all). Arizona: too hot, dry, dusty, and I hate scorpions. Colorado is a contender, but I haven't been there in years. I realize there is much of the country I am omitting - and that it's very early to even be thinking about where to settle. But the point is, DM might be a contender on the list of possibilities. Wait and see folks, wait and see.

Family Picture of the Day: Accessorizing courtesy of Malaina. I don't think this is the last time this is going to happen.

Getting Healthy

Tomorrow I start a Baby Bootcamp class. No, Justin hasn't joined the military (I don't think his Daddy would allow that). It's an exercise class you do with your baby and a jogging stroller. I found a great program through the Parks & Rec department, and thought that there's no time like the present. It runs for 6 weeks, and meets 3 times a week for an hour. I hesitated to blog about this earlier, as I have mixed feelings about this process. I don't doubt that I'll finish the class, and enjoy doing it. I'm not afraid of that. I'm afraid that I will once again fail to follow through with my good intentions to start living a healthier life. I'm not sure when I stopped having any sense of personal discipline. Was it when I had kids? Or when I started feeling really comfortable with Matt (last year)? Regardless of when, it seems to be a daily fact.

Every year as my birthday approaches, I always think "This is the year I get in shape. This is the year I get healthy." I don't think I'm afraid of doing the physical work. I know it's not easy but I'm not looking for a quick fix or miracle pill. I'm pretty sure I'm afraid of the process. Any person who is more than 10 lbs. overweight for more than 3 months can tell you that being heavy is complicated. Losing that 10, 20 or 30+ pounds requires patience, work, and introspection. It's the introspection that concerns me. Taking a hard look at yourself is never fun or easy, and it's been much easier to avoid that process and keep those feelings boxed up. Being a bit of an overachiever with a smidgen of perfectionist (thanks Dad!), I know all about engineered failure. It's far less of an ego blow to simply not try when you know a project is really difficult, and you will struggle. Why risk trying and failing when you can simply not try at all & keep your pride intact?

I had the above discussion with my sweet husband this morning, and while I think he empathizes with me, he also helps me to keep things in perspective. He pointed out that I need to focus less on the exterior, and more on the interior. It's really is about being more healthy. If I can work on that, the physical stuff will improve, too. Or as he put it: "You just need to decide exactly when you'd like to develop adult-onset diabetes". Nothing like thinking about losing your toes to make a walk to the park seem pretty appealing.

It was also inspiring to watch some of the Hy-Vee Triathlon this weekend. On Sunday morning the run portion was headed right past our apartment. Malaina got excited when she saw the runners & wanted to eat breakfast on the porch so she could clap & cheer like the other supporters on the street. I whipped up some pancakes & we all sat outside & watched the runners go by. We talked about what they were doing & why, and I watched the variety of sizes, shapes & ages jog to victory. I'd love to do a triathlon some day, but don't have access to a pool right now. I'm going to have to settle for running in the Race for the Cure in October - which must be important to me, as I actually planned my vacation so that we'd be home that weekend. If Baby Bootcamp can start me on the path to better health, then I'll have another 10 weeks to train before RFTC at the end of October. October 25th is highlighted on my calendar. Good luck to me?

Not much to say, but blogging anyway

We're stuck at home on a Saturday afternoon, as our street is closed down for the Hy-Vee Triathlon. No car traffic until 5pm on both Saturday & Sunday. It's really not a bad thing because Justin is actually taking a decent nap in his crib. Yep, we finally reconfigured the bedroom and put up the big crib. I think he never slept well in the travel crib because the bassinet insert would always shake every time he moved, waking him up even more. Last night was the first night with the crib and he went to sleep there but I ended up bringing him into our bed to eat at around 12:30am. But at least he slept for a good 4 hours in the crib! I know that one day he'll go all night in his own bed, but I certainly wouldn't expect him to transition to his crib AND stop eating at night all in one fell swoop. For now I'm just taking small steps to smooth out the process. If anyone has any advice on getting him to sleep all night, I am all ears (except the cry it out method - I don't agree with it).

Justin also tried rice cereal over the last 2 days. I know it's early, but sometimes he just seems so hungry and I don't know if I'm producing enough milk to keep him satisfied. It went relatively well. He's still not sure he likes it, but at least he didn't spit it all back out. I've been feeding it to him for dinner, then nursing him one last time before bed. I think he's been sleeping a little more deeply, so it may be doing the trick! I forgot how messy those first meals can be. We had to break out the bib, and it was completely soaked by the time we were done.

To celebrate finishing my project I took the kids to the mall yesterday. I had to get a gift for the Favorite Things party, and Malaina wanted to go to the Play Place, so off we went. I found what I was looking for and more! I've been wanting to have the kids' picture taken, and I finally found Malaina a white dress to coordinate with the blue and white shirt I got for Justin. I also picked up a few onesies for the Fall, and some jelly sandals for Malaina (Do you remember jelly shoes? The ones I had were never this cute!)

After our time at the Mall, we headed to Old Navy so I could look for a rashguard for Justin. I found swim trunks for him last weekend, but Matt suggested we get a rashguard to help keep him warm in the pool. Being cheap, I wasn't happy with the price of what I found at Old Navy, but I did rustle up some good stuff in the 50% racks. Malaina scored 4 new t-shirts, a sweater, and new jeans, and Justin got 2 pairs of jeans. It seems weird to be buying long sleeves and heavy pants right now, but I know that when October rolls around I'll be happy I squirreled those away. Seriously - when long sleeved t's are $2.50, I can't say no. I think I take even more pleasure in finding bargains because I know that the kids' clothes will not always be so inexpensive.

One more thing.....

I found this story while online today. Ok, first, Kudos to you Jenny Masche. I can't imagine dealing with 6 1-year olds all day every day. And the fact that you found the time to train for and run a marathon within a year of giving birth to those little ones? Amazing. But seriously, as much as I admire you Jenny Masche, I'm too busy feeling crappy about myself because I can't even muster the energy to brush my teeth every day much less run for 2+ hours every evening. (Seriously, I don't know what's wrong with me - sometimes I'm going about my day and suddenly realize that it's 2 pm and I haven't brushed my teeth. Thankfully those are usually the days when we haven't left the house yet. Usually).

Thanks for making the rest of us moms feel inadequate, Jenny Masche. Thanks for making me realize that I don't have any real excuse not to exercise. Time to get my behind in gear and start exercising on a regular basis. (I have a related story about this, but am holding off for a few more days. The delay and related story is shame-based, and more about my own laziness and poor self-image than anything else. Stand by for more personal revelations on that. But don't hold your breath, it's really not that interesting. I hope. I haven't read it yet, but I feel like this holds shades of Such a Pretty Fat).

DONE

I just finished my project,and I am both relieved and exhausted. Not to bore you, but....I essentially re-wrote the company's yearly marketing plan in 4 days. It should have taken me a minimum of 2 weeks to do this, but I had 4 days. It turned into a 50 page PowerPoint complete with financial breakdown by product, etc. etc. etc. Yay for me. I shouldn't complain about the work, as generally it's not too stressful. But I felt incredibly guilty when I was done because Justin seemed so excited to have me cuddle and play with him for a while (he must have been staying up for me, as he didn't fall asleep until 10:30!).

I think I must be delirious from the stress of the week, because Matt and I have been talking about getting a mini van. I never thought I would be That Mom. But after taking the drive to Chicago in the confines of the Jetta, I think it's time. We've even gone so far as to talk to the bank about financing. I'm partial to the Odyssey or the Sienna, but am still not 100% on taking the plunge. As my cousin Stephanie said (in reference to driving her own recently acquired Sienna) "I feel like such an old bag driving it". I guess it's all in my mind. Right? Maybe if I go for this, I won't feel so inadequate: