Progress?

Since I started on my quest for improved fitness/ better health, I admit that I've done better with the exercise than the healthy eating. I just seem to crave chocolate almost all the time. I can satisfy my craving with something as simple as chocolate milk, but often find myself wanting much more than that. It's a bummer, as giving in to the cravings mean I am taking away from all the hard work I'm doing with exercise. I'm working out 4-5 times a week and still on the running program. I often feel like I am just spinning my wheels, not making any true progress, but try to refocus myself and realize it's a journey with different bumps in the road every day. And frankly, a life without chocolate chip cookies is not something I want to experience.

After I ran this morning and got cleaned up, I tried to pick out a marginally more creative outfit than my usual jeans and T. I pulled out one of my 3 pairs of shorts and grabbed a black blouse. I dressed myself, and realized the shorts were not only comfortable, they were a bit roomy.

ROOMY, people!

I bought these shorts 2 years ago, right before we went to Hawaii. I was pregnant at the time (I didn't know it yet), and they were almost too snug, but I was desperate for something cool to wear in the tropics. I never really imagined that they would be close to TOO big on me. I wear jeans so often, and they are a terrible barometer of weight loss (I always shrink mine in the drier, so they are snug when I first put them on). I didn't really think I'd made any improvement in the last few months, but there you go: my shorts are a little too big.

I guess the running really is helping. This is week 5 of the plan, and it's getting interesting. By the 3rd day of running this week, I'm supposed to be jogging for 20 minutes straight. While I know I CAN do it, I'm curious to see how I feel in the middle of it. I think I'll mix up my playlist, maybe add a little Rocky theme song in the middle to get pumped up. And of course, I keep telling myself that pushing the stroller makes me work 30% harder. I hope this means that race day will be 30% easier than my usual workout, but I have a feeling that's not going to be the case. Oh well, whatever keeps me running, right?

Getting Healthy

Tomorrow I start a Baby Bootcamp class. No, Justin hasn't joined the military (I don't think his Daddy would allow that). It's an exercise class you do with your baby and a jogging stroller. I found a great program through the Parks & Rec department, and thought that there's no time like the present. It runs for 6 weeks, and meets 3 times a week for an hour. I hesitated to blog about this earlier, as I have mixed feelings about this process. I don't doubt that I'll finish the class, and enjoy doing it. I'm not afraid of that. I'm afraid that I will once again fail to follow through with my good intentions to start living a healthier life. I'm not sure when I stopped having any sense of personal discipline. Was it when I had kids? Or when I started feeling really comfortable with Matt (last year)? Regardless of when, it seems to be a daily fact.

Every year as my birthday approaches, I always think "This is the year I get in shape. This is the year I get healthy." I don't think I'm afraid of doing the physical work. I know it's not easy but I'm not looking for a quick fix or miracle pill. I'm pretty sure I'm afraid of the process. Any person who is more than 10 lbs. overweight for more than 3 months can tell you that being heavy is complicated. Losing that 10, 20 or 30+ pounds requires patience, work, and introspection. It's the introspection that concerns me. Taking a hard look at yourself is never fun or easy, and it's been much easier to avoid that process and keep those feelings boxed up. Being a bit of an overachiever with a smidgen of perfectionist (thanks Dad!), I know all about engineered failure. It's far less of an ego blow to simply not try when you know a project is really difficult, and you will struggle. Why risk trying and failing when you can simply not try at all & keep your pride intact?

I had the above discussion with my sweet husband this morning, and while I think he empathizes with me, he also helps me to keep things in perspective. He pointed out that I need to focus less on the exterior, and more on the interior. It's really is about being more healthy. If I can work on that, the physical stuff will improve, too. Or as he put it: "You just need to decide exactly when you'd like to develop adult-onset diabetes". Nothing like thinking about losing your toes to make a walk to the park seem pretty appealing.

It was also inspiring to watch some of the Hy-Vee Triathlon this weekend. On Sunday morning the run portion was headed right past our apartment. Malaina got excited when she saw the runners & wanted to eat breakfast on the porch so she could clap & cheer like the other supporters on the street. I whipped up some pancakes & we all sat outside & watched the runners go by. We talked about what they were doing & why, and I watched the variety of sizes, shapes & ages jog to victory. I'd love to do a triathlon some day, but don't have access to a pool right now. I'm going to have to settle for running in the Race for the Cure in October - which must be important to me, as I actually planned my vacation so that we'd be home that weekend. If Baby Bootcamp can start me on the path to better health, then I'll have another 10 weeks to train before RFTC at the end of October. October 25th is highlighted on my calendar. Good luck to me?