Wednesday, May 9, 2007

40 days and counting

So here's the lowdown - I'm 33, married, with a 3 yo daughter (aka the Girl or Peaches). My husband Matt is a full-time student, and I work. I'm not sure why I feel compelled to start a blog, but it's a crazy time right now, and maybe this will help me to work through some stuff... so here we go.

We're at 40 days and counting. 40 days until graduation - and the start of phase II of the 12 year plan. Why the 12 year plan? Because that's how long it will take for Matt to complete his undergrad degree, finish Medical School, complete a Residency, and start his practice. 12 years isn't terribly long - but I also never expected to be 33 and still in the early part of the plan. So much for living an idealized version of life. Sure, the American Dream would have been sweet, but I wouldn't trade a second of that for less time with my daughter, or for how much I value Matt and our life together. It's a struggle, but we're in it together, and that's what counts in the end. We've had a ton of issues, but through it all, it's our unified vision of the future that keeps us together and moving forward. I am so grateful for that.

So here's the plan (such as it is). Med school starts in 2.5 months, and we still don't know where we're going. DMU has a spot waiting for us (secured with $1K - no one said it would be free), but he's on the wait list for UVM. At first, I was sort of against UVM, but this was mostly due to my comfort level with DMU. We had a Plan, I had made my peace with it, and was all set mentally. Now that UVM is a realistic possibility, I've had to re-think the Plan, and wrap my head around the options. I think UVM would be awesome for us - certainly for Matt's career - but am unsettled that it may be months until we get a final word from them. It's not that my heart is set on going there - it's the NOT knowing that is driving me nuts.

I'm not helping the situation either. We're supposed to be getting the house ready to sell, but have been dragging on that. Maybe it's a passive-aggresive thing, maybe it's self-sabotaging, but I can't seem to get motivated to finish all the little stuff that needs to be done to put the house on the market. If I take a hard look at it, it's not that much stuff. But by the time I get to the weekend, I'm tired, I want to relax with the Girl, and I don't want to scrub the house down so strangers can tromp through it and nit pick all the quirks that come with living in a 90 year old house.

Here's a special little Life bonus too - we've just started trying for another Bambino, and I've stopped ovulating. I wait for 3 + years and I stop ovulating NOW? WHAT is going on? I wanted to cry when the doctor matter-of-factly told me that's what's up. So now I'm on BC pills to kick start the old bod, and next step is go on on Clomid when Aunt Flo comes to visit again. I got knocked up twice in a row with no problems, and this is what I get after being practical and waiting until we were really 'ready' for another? What the !#^#^%&*&^???? I'm not sure what the universe is trying to tell me, but I hope it reveals itself soon.

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