Sunday, May 27, 2007

Sick Sick Sick

Matt is sick today, so it's affecting all of us. He must be feeling better, because he was getting a little chatty. But now dinner may not be staying down, so he's back to laying on the couch and moaning ever so slightly every few minutes.

I've gotten nothing done today. Church is such a time sucker. I know I have a bad attitude about it, but I can't help it. By the time we get home again, it's 2 pm, and I have zero motivation to get anything done. I never felt welcomed here, and the one person who was cool to me moved out of the Ward. We've never had consistent Home Teachers or Visiting Teachers..... and I LOVE that people still ask me if I'm new. NO - I'M NOT NEW - apparently I am just invisible. Thanks for asking, and thanks for making me feel like an idiot for showing up and even trying to fit in a little bit.

Maybe I need to accept that I'll always be an outsider. As a convert I still miss some of the little "givens" that every seems to know. I'm sure that will get better with time, but for now, I just feel a little embittered. Here more than anywhere else (any other Ward we've been in), it seems that I am one of the only women who work. I don't have the opportunity to stay home with my kids right now, so I can't do any of the junk that's scheduled during the week. Add my hour-long commute to that, and it's tough for me to even be on time for the stuff scheduled after working hours. Being in Primary doesn't help either. I HATE that I have to find a sub for the times when I won't be there. It's horrible trying to call around and explain who I am and why I need a sub. Everyone either has a calling, or they have young kids & can't/ won't. I don't blame them - I wouldn't want to sub either. But cut me a break. I think I may just resign quietly. I'm about done with the whole rigmarole of church. If Peaches didn't like Nursery so much, I'd take a nice long break from it entirely.

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