Saturday, July 21, 2007

A little therapy, please

I didn't intend to post twice in one day, but after seeing some new pics of Brit-Brit on my favorite gossip site, I can't resist any longer.

Britney, it's time to grow up. I don't give two hoots if you didn't have a childhood, or if you were manipulated by Mommy Dearest or manager, or whatever the excuse of the week is. Knock it off, and Mom-up.

You're always welcome at my house for a while. Bring the kiddos, and we'll have ourselves some good ol- fashioned group therapy. I'm not Mom of the year, but I'll show you the importance of the car seat, why Starbucks is not part of the food pyramid, and how to maintain a little dignity while dressing yourself. Oh yeah, and the cigs - come on Brit, you're not doing yourself any favors. Louisiana girls do not age well, and those smokes (and your penchant for the tanning bed) are going to make your skin weep wrinkles by the time you hit 30. Know why Cindy, Elle and Michelle Pfeiffer look half their age? FROM NOT DOING ANY OF THINGS YOU FEEL ENTITLED TO DO ON A DAILY BASIS.

You were only marginally talented to begin with, and now that you've pissed away your first 2 marriages and many millions of dollars, I'm here to tell you it ain't going to last forever. Could you make a comeback? You betcha. America loves to tear people down, but we also L-O-V-E to see a success story. So take a page from Christina's book, and get serious about your singing. Re-hire your manager, get yourself a staff Psychiatrist and build a 5 year plan for yourself (one that doesn't include booze, smokes, Frappachinos, sex with backup dancers, or homes without fences around the pool - seriously Brit, a pack of wild dogs would do a better job raising your sons than you have). Hit the treadmill, take some singing lessons, and turn your manic-depressive episodes into some new material.

And one last thing Brit - dump those moochers who call themselves your friends, and call your Mom. She's the only one you've got. If you don't have your family, you don't have anything. Spend a little time with your kids, and tell me I'm wrong.

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