I am a walking cliche

Everyone wants to be unique, right? That's why we strive so hard to keep up with the Jones' by buying the latest electronic toy, the more expensive car, the most exotic vacation. And also why we cover ourselves in tattoos and piercings, hair in all colors of the rainbow, and seek out the latest, hottest, most unknown designers. But sometimes you just gotta go with the flow and bow down to the cliche that you know is inside you.

I actually walked out of the house wearing striped purple wool socks with my Crocs. And I'm prego, so the belly was front and center in this stunning ensemble, occasionally peeking out from my apparently too small t shirt. I've always mocked the socks with sandals combo, feeling that only European tourists can be excused for this faux pas (they're usually British - 'nuff said). It gets better. I also had to give in to my pickle craving, and although I went to the store to get pickles, I walked out with pickles, 2 pints of Ben & Jerry's, Cheetos, sour cream, cheese bagels, mushrooms, cream cheese and Kleenex. I then came home and ate a pickle, a lemon bar, a few handfuls of popcorn, and some Cheetos. YUM.

Although I'll never look as sweet as a prego Nicole Richie in a bikini, I still love being pregnant and the changes in my body. When else could I eat pickles, Cheetos and lemon bars in the same sitting and not feel guilty?? Then again, ask me how I feel about my body around May 1.

I heart Kohls

I'd never been in a Kohl's until Saturday. I've seen them, but they're not really big in the Northwest. It's hard not to notice them, as they are spreading like wildfire, and with Vera Wang on board, how bad could it be? It was better than I could have hoped. The Vera Wang is pretty awesome (not that I'll be fitting in anything but the shoes in the next 9 months), and they have a nice little Food Network section in Housewares - perfect for my current cooking obsession.

I loved the kid's section too, mostly because everything I bought was 60% off. Exactly what I need when shopping for a 3 year old who has outgrown 90% of her clothes. Seriously - princess pajamas for less than $10? Score!

I am a cliche...... I had a craving for pickles last night. I hate pickles. The only time I can eat them is if they're a dill spear on the side of a nice juicy roast beef sandwich. Of course, if the pickle infects the sandwich with its vile juices, I'd have to toss the whole thing. But man, did I want me a pickle last night. Maybe it was just a Freudian transferrance from watching Brad Pitt's naked ass in Troy last night. That was one long movie, but worth every second for a glimpse of that Golden God Brad. Yummie. Hormones, anyone?

I want.....

Long time, no blog. I had a trip for a few days, came home exhausted (the red eye sucks, and being prego makes it worse), worked way too much, then the in-laws came to visit for a few days. A bit overwhelming. Now I'm here to blog on a few random topics.

1. I love Gene Simmons Family Jewels. I understand he's a celebrity, and has an enormous ego. But I find him and his family endearing. He and Shannon seem like good parents, their kids seem to be pretty stable for growing up with Gene Simmons as a Dad, and he's over the top enough to be entertaining.

2. I have a serious case of the I-wants. I have some birthday money to spend, and there's a bunch of stuff I want. Should I be smart and hold on to it and use it for more practical, useful stuff like a jogging stroller or a Kitchen Aid mixer (not really practical, but something I've wanted for a long time), or do I hoard it and blow it all on something unnecessary and completely selfish like a Louis Vuitton wallet? Last year I used my birthday money to get a gym membership. I classify that as a practical use. Of benefit only to me, but still practical and not really "fun". I REALLY want the LV wallet, but it's just enough money where I think I'll carry tremendous guilt about buying it. I could buy the stroller AND the mixer for the same amount of money. What to do, what to do?

3. We were on our way to an event yesterday morning, and parking in a parking garage. We all got out of the car, and were gathering our stuff to walk out. I was holding Peaches' hand and waiting for everyone to wrap it up. A car pulls up next to us and a lady proceeds to tell us that we should keep an eye on our child, as she was "kicking her legs out in front of the cars". It took me a minute to process what she said, and in response, I was speechless. First, my child is only 3 and her legs are all of 18 inches long. She may have been kicking her legs out, but unless this woman was going 80 up the ramp or hugging the right and trying to take out a bystander, no one was in danger of being hurt. I was also speechless at the audacity of her stopping to chastise me/ us on controlling my child. She's not a rabid dog. She wasn't darting in and out of the parked cars. She didn't lay down in the middle of the Up ramp. So, What the Heck? Did I tell her she was ugly and had a bad hair cut? No. Some things you just keep to yourself - so the next time you see a kid being a kid, think twice about opening up your big yapper and keep your lips closed unless you want the wrath of Mama laid on your Iowa self.

Sneeze Alert

I don't know what is going on, but I have sneezed more in the last two weeks than I have in the last few years. Apparently I am allergic to Iowa. It could be the farmland, the humidity, spores, molds & fungus, or perhaps I am allergic to the always-running AC. Whatever it is, I am getting sick of having my nose alternate between running, itching with crusties, or explosively sneezing. Seriously - no one likes to sneeze, and I have always prided myself on having a normal level sneeze. Those days are gone, baby. Now I sneeze so loud that I think the neighbors can hear it (sorry about that). I actually sneezed so hard yesterday that I wet my pants a little bit (I didn't actually pee - being pregnant tends to produce an abundance of moisture. I'll let you get over the ick & just leave it at that).

It's actually getting a bit better. I don't sneeze all day long, it just sneaks up on me & as soon as I sneeze, my nose runs continuously. Attractive. Because I am pregnant, I can't (or specifically, don't) take any medications. I guess if this is the worst that I have to live with, I'm OK with that.

PS - two new obsessions: Katie + Peter (trainwreck - she's pretty, but not THAT pretty. I think I am mesmerized by her giant fake boobs. Those two are just such dippy goofballs, I can't help myself). I'm also loving Ace of Cakes. I wish I had mad decorating skills like that.

Rant

I am hating my job right now. I don't really want to blog about work, so I'm going to keep it generic. I thought that working from home would give me some distance and perspective. Instead, it's put my natural paranoia into overdrive. I haven't heard from the boss in days, I feel disconnected, I STILL don't know what they're going to do about my health insurance when I shift to part-time, and I'm afraid of being canned. Although being canned would mean I wouldn't have to worry about child care in September, it would also mean that I'd lose my insurance, and that's not part of the plan right now. I've always been worried about not having health insurance, but now that I'm knocked up again, I feel like it's mandatory. Sure women have had babies without it, but I really don't want to be $10,000 in debt for having a child.

Should I look for another job? Who would hire a visibly pregnant woman? Even if I found another job right away, I wouldn't be there long enough to qualify for FMLA, so I'd lose that job too. Should I just wait it out until something happens? Work doesn't know I'm preggers yet - should I tell them sooner rather than later & hope it helps me keep my job?

What do I do?

And PS - Jake Gyllenhall is GAY? Dang it, I never saw that one coming. I would have thought Peter Parker would come out of the closet before Jakey boy (then again, I still haven't seen Brokeback Mountain). What is the world coming to?

Baby It's Hot Outside

Although it's only 70 outside, the humidity is at 96%. Ick. I tried turning off the AC and opening the windows for a bit, but that only lasted an hour or so. I hope the weather gets cooler ASAP.

We went to the State Fair on Sunday, and it was an eye-opener. I actually had fun, although it was also about 85 and 90% humidity. My hair didn't appreciate the weather, but my tummy enjoyed the Fair food. I restrained myself to just a gyro, and enjoyed every bite of it. It's a wonder I didn't get salmonella, but all was well. Peaches wanted to ride every ride she saw, but enjoyed the ferris wheel most. She also enjoyed her popcorn and cotton candy lunch. (yes, I'll be accepting my parent of the year award later this month).

Some of my observations from the fair:
1. Des Moines isn't as white as I thought. I saw a few African American families walking around, and was pleasantly surprised. I don't think I saw any Asians, but I've seen some at the mall. Don't take any of that the wrong way - I'm glad to see a little diversity here.
2. The fair definitely brings out the lowest common denominator of humanity. I feel grateful that I know how to match my clothes and that I have the decency to force my child and husband to wear a shirt in public.
3. The ugly shoe reigns supreme here. Seriously, they may be comfortable, but I have seen some of the ugliest footwear EVER since I've been here. Ladies of Iowa, here's a tip for you - Nordstrom has a great online shoe department. Try it out, you won't be sorry.
4. The pork chop on a stick was the most popular fair food (not that I tried one, but everyone else did). It's been a while since I've been to a fair of any sort, but this was a bit unexpected. These chops were huge, grilled, and speared on a massive piece of wood. Nothing like meat on a stick to bring out the caveman in you.

Otherwise, we haven't left the house for more than a few hours all week. I did go grocery shopping and was both massively disappointed and frustrated. Seriously, who puts the bread crumbs with the bread? And do they not make Panko in the mid-West?? I may have to turn to Super Target for my food shopping needs. At least I can find what I want there.

Part of the joy of not leaving the house is acclimating to the new apartment. I'm getting to know our neighbor quite well - or at least what she likes to do at 4:30 in the morning. It's not every night, but seriously, YOU'RE WAKING ME UP WITH ALL THE SCREAMING. I always thought rule #1 of apartment living was to 'keep the noise level down'... but how do you tell someone you've never formally met that she needs to buy a muzzle?

I was also dumbstruck to discover that we can't have a live Christmas tree here. Wha? I've never lived in an apartment that didn't allow a real tree. Why don't they tell me I can't have houseplants either? I will have to decide if I will be subversive and risk getting us kicked out or if I'll will rustle up a fake tree from somewhere. Not really - I'm too much of a chicken to the fight the Man. Maybe I can find a really good Pine Potpourri.

In the DSM

So I'm back - after several weeks gone, several thousand miles travelled, and multiple temper tantrums (only one of which was mine). We're in the DSM, wallowing in a pig-mess of an apartment, and cranking the AC to epic proportions. Sweet Husband has been here for two weeks and didn't unpack a single box, so I get to spend the next week trying to organize this place while working from home and wrangling a 3 yo. Good Times.

It's not too bad thus far. The apartment is small, but the kitchen is huge. At least we can spread out there even if we don't have space anywhere else. Des Moines is... humid. That's the best I can say thus far. I haven't seen much & probably won't for another week or so. I have to conserve my energy for cleaning this mess, organizing and restocking the house. It is astonishing how much food you have to buy when you move cross-country. I may as well walk into the grocery and tell them to add one of everything to my cart.

Other than that, things are OK. The house fell through, so that's not great. We're fortunate that we can afford to pay the mortgage for a few months and not feel the pinch too badly - but that's not going to last forever. It's certainly been a learning experience. Hopefully the Salem market will remain strong, and we can move the house in the next few months. Wish us luck.

I'll post more DSM observations as I can. I'll be working from home now, so I'll be able to update more frequently.