Tomorrow I start a Baby Bootcamp class. No, Justin hasn't joined the military (I don't think his Daddy would allow that). It's an exercise class you do with your baby and a jogging stroller. I found a great program through the Parks & Rec department, and thought that there's no time like the present. It runs for 6 weeks, and meets 3 times a week for an hour. I hesitated to blog about this earlier, as I have mixed feelings about this process. I don't doubt that I'll finish the class, and enjoy doing it. I'm not afraid of that. I'm afraid that I will once again fail to follow through with my good intentions to start living a healthier life. I'm not sure when I stopped having any sense of personal discipline. Was it when I had kids? Or when I started feeling really comfortable with Matt (last year)? Regardless of when, it seems to be a daily fact.
Every year as my birthday approaches, I always think "This is the year I get in shape. This is the year I get healthy." I don't think I'm afraid of doing the physical work. I know it's not easy but I'm not looking for a quick fix or miracle pill. I'm pretty sure I'm afraid of the process. Any person who is more than 10 lbs. overweight for more than 3 months can tell you that being heavy is complicated. Losing that 10, 20 or 30+ pounds requires patience, work, and introspection. It's the introspection that concerns me. Taking a hard look at yourself is never fun or easy, and it's been much easier to avoid that process and keep those feelings boxed up. Being a bit of an overachiever with a smidgen of perfectionist (thanks Dad!), I know all about engineered failure. It's far less of an ego blow to simply not try when you know a project is really difficult, and you will struggle. Why risk trying and failing when you can simply not try at all & keep your pride intact?
I had the above discussion with my sweet husband this morning, and while I think he empathizes with me, he also helps me to keep things in perspective. He pointed out that I need to focus less on the exterior, and more on the interior. It's really is about being more healthy. If I can work on that, the physical stuff will improve, too. Or as he put it: "You just need to decide exactly when you'd like to develop adult-onset diabetes". Nothing like thinking about losing your toes to make a walk to the park seem pretty appealing.
It was also inspiring to watch some of the Hy-Vee Triathlon this weekend. On Sunday morning the run portion was headed right past our apartment. Malaina got excited when she saw the runners & wanted to eat breakfast on the porch so she could clap & cheer like the other supporters on the street. I whipped up some pancakes & we all sat outside & watched the runners go by. We talked about what they were doing & why, and I watched the variety of sizes, shapes & ages jog to victory. I'd love to do a triathlon some day, but don't have access to a pool right now. I'm going to have to settle for running in the Race for the Cure in October - which must be important to me, as I actually planned my vacation so that we'd be home that weekend. If Baby Bootcamp can start me on the path to better health, then I'll have another 10 weeks to train before RFTC at the end of October. October 25th is highlighted on my calendar. Good luck to me?