Thursday, April 2, 2009

Worries

The past few weeks have been challenging.

Here are my major updates (gripes), in no particular order:

I am still reeling from our Spring Break trip and my surprisingly intense resistance to move to Detroit. I am mentally digging in my heels, hands clenched at the doorway of our lovely Des Moines. It's taking a superhuman effort to even consider the logistics of planning and executing a 600 mile move. I am obsessing over where to live and complicating matters because we really want to find a house to rent, but of course want it 'all' - a reasonable price, decent size, storage space, quiet location, a decent school, and all wrapped up in perfect timing. I think I found a place that will meet 90% of our criteria, but am now fretting because I can't just hop in the car and drive 10 hours to check it out.

My biggest concern has been Big J. He had his one year check the Monday after Spring Break, and we discovered that he's a lightweight. In fact, he's only gained a pound in the last 6 months. Coupled with his lack of desire for mobility, his featherweight status gives us cause for concern. Now, let me head you off at the pass: He Eats Well. I will not go into a full accounting of his dietary habits, but I assure you, he has a decent appetite and we feed him as much as he wants to eat. He has continued to lengthen, and his noggin is holding a big brain, so no worries there. For those not well-versed in baby growth, the issue is that he's dropped significantly on the growth curve. When a baby goes from consistently being in the 50th percentile of the weight category to the 2nd percentile, questions and concerns start to form. Is he simply on the cusp of a growth spurt? Or is his body not functioning at an optimum level?

3 vials of blood, one spectacular bruise, and many lab tests later, we still have no inkling what - if anything - may be going on. We spent several days thinking it was Celiac disease (a gluten allergy), and am grateful that one was negative. We have an appointment next week with a pediatric gastroenterologist and while deep down I think we are going to end up realizing that he's just a little on the small side, as a parent I worry so much about what it might be. Having a husband in medical school doesn't help at all. While he tries not to succumb to Medical School Diagnosis Syndrome (my own name for it), he can't help but read about all the rare diseases or mysterious conditions that are out there. The chances of a rare and unfamiliar condition are 500,000 to one, but someone has to fill the role of "one".

So, I've been busy living with a worried mind and a concerned heart. Waiting impatiently for the next phone call or doctor's appointment has made me anxious, withdrawn, a little jittery, and quite grumpy. I've been eating my feelings instead of sweating them out, and I feel it in my jeans. Big Daddy's schedule has been hectic and inconsistent, and committing to a 5:30am wake-up for regular exercise (the only time I feel like I could possibly fit it into my schedule) feels overwhelming right now.

7 comments:

Chrissy Jo said...

Oh, Amy! I really do want to take you out to ice cream! I don't blame you one bit for "wanting it all" in your new place. I'm so glad Big J doesn't have celiacs... my cousin was diagnosed with it at age 4. It was a blessing to have an answer, but it's been a challenge to feed her for the past 12 years. You never realize how many different things have gluten in them until you can't eat it! I hope things go smoothly. If you need anything, let me know... even if it's just a piece of chocolate cake. :-)

Mir said...

Hi there,

Pretty new to your blog, but I wanted to tell you that my little one isn't walking or gaining weight either. She's a tall, skinny thing. She lost 3oz from 6-9 mos and put on 1 lb from 9-12 mos. Crazy.

We've started feeding her fattening foods to see if we can't get some meat on her bones. More snacks, butter for calories, foods like avocado for fat. So far, since her 1 year check up 3 weeks ago, she's put on 5 oz, which is unheard of for her!

I hope everything starts to calm down for you very soon!!

Ted and Hilery said...

We are also digging in our heels trying to keep you in Des Moines! I don't envy your move, because moving is a lot of work, but if anyone can do it, I know you can. You seem to manage well doing anything! And Detroit will be better for having you and your family.
I'm sorry about Big J, worrying about kids and babies is rough. I was worried about Aron being off the curve as well.

Ashley said...

Oh Amy, I'm so sorry you've had a rough week!! Just remember, through the totally justified digging of the heels there's a reason you're going to Detroit, just like there's a reason you're in Des Moines. I HATE change and leaving places that I love, but just keep reminding yourself that maybe there's people you're supposed to meet or experiences you're supposed to have that we can only be had in Detroit. And maybe take comfort in the fact that it's only 2 years if you want it to be ;). But I hope you find that house you love...and you will!

As for Big J, I can't even imagine the worry you must feel. I feel exhausted already worrying about the health and development of the 3 oz baby growing inside me, I can't even imagine how I'll handle post delivery life ;). But really, I hope that nothing is wrong, and he's just going through a phase! Keep us posted...you're in my prayers!

Rosie said...

Oh, Amy, I'm so sorry you're dealing with such stress. I'm sure you are right about Big J~Did I ever tell you that Creed was tested for Muscular Distrophy when he was 18 mos old b/c he wasn't crawling yet and he had poor muscle tone? Turns out I was putting everything within his reach so he had no motivation to crawl and he's just super duper flexible. But I was worried sick until the results returned.

Hang in there, and let's go out soon (I promise I'll do my best to keep it pg-13.)

sarita said...

I echo what everyone else has already said.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!

Robyn said...

I can relate with a lot of your feelings. Especially the moving one. Your family will be sooo missed here.

I left ballet last week feeling bad that I didn't get to visit with you very much, and now I feel worse! We need to go out again sans kiddos and have some good chats. How does next week look?