Note: I am considering changing the names in this blog to protect the innocent. Any thoughts on that?? (and it's Ok if you just want to tell me I'm an idiot for not doing it sooner).
Matt was home for much of the day, as he didn't have to work until 7 pm tonight (Nobody get excited - he works at the school library. It's our way of offsetting the $32,000 a year we pay in tuition). I had a busy morning with BBC, a con call and general screwing off. We went out for lunch, then to Costco to buy new tires (seriously, how much more boring could we possibly be??), then filled the afternoon with a nap. I am so boring I think I am putting myself to sleep. Again.
During lunch we talked about my blog. He is of the opinion that I have lost my 'voice'. I agree with him. I started the blog as sort of online diary, with the secret hope that people would find it & think I am brilliant, witty, and should be published. While I am none of those things, I still enjoy blogging but sometimes it is work and I think it comes across that way. I am trying too hard, I am throwing too much random stuff out there, and I am not pleased with the result. So I am here to apologize, and to tell you (both my blog readers) that I am going to back off a bit and try to refocus myself.
I haven't been very good to myself lately, and it shows. With Matt working late shifts, I tend to put the kids to bed and surf the internet until he comes home at midnight. Then we chat and watch TV until I finally give in and go to bed - around 1am. As Big J gets up 2 more times before his early morning wake up, I have been even more sleep-deprived than usual. Resulting in a cranky, extra-slow functioning Mommy. I have also been giving in to my chocolate cravings, padding into the kitchen and sneaking a handful or two of chocolate chips out of the giant bag from Costco. Then I feel guilty about working hard to eat well during the day, and spoiling it at night with chocolate gluttony. Shame on me. As of tonight I am going to turn things around - bed no later than 11pm, and work to stave off the chocolate cravings (or at least dipping in to the bag of choco chips). Tomorrow I'm buying a box of sugar free fudge pops.
To top it all off, work has been emotionally chaotic. Big Boss is out the door on July 23. I knew she wouldn't last more than 2 years, and I say GOOD RIDDANCE to her. I've never met a woman who is so abrasive and belittling of those around her. We have had 2 more people quit in the last month. I also found out that someone else is being forced out within the next 2 weeks, and I am really uncomfortable with all these changes. While my situation is still working well for me, all these personnel changes are messing with my head. The company has always been unstable when it comes to human resources, but in the last 12 months we have had so many people quit and NO REPLACEMENTS. We're a small organization in the U.S., and to have 9 people leave in the last 6 months is a lot. Only one of those positions has been filled - and by someone who is a corporate spy from HK. So forgive me if I moan about how much I dislike my job. The job itself isn't so bad. It's the dismal atmosphere and lack of both leadership and transparency within the business. I continue to be told that I shouldn't consider this to be a long term position, but frankly I'm in until they ask me to leave. And then I'm collecting every dollar of unemployment coming to me.