Rarities Spotted

I first spotted the elusive beast in the food court. I quickly lost sight of it in the crowds surrounding the dude giving out free orange chicken samples.

Another glimpse was caught near the fake handbag cart, but it stealthily melted into the distance amidst a rush over the latest faux Coach.

I finally got a good look at it near the escalator, where it was dangling a child over the railing and frantically gesturing to its mate/offspring/companion.

It was the ultra-rare FEMULLET. Genus: Homo. Species: Uglificus

The Femullet is in danger of extinction, and is only rarely spotted these days. It seems to prefer to remain near its lair, leaving only for brief periods of time to venture out to the nearest Wal-Mart to pick up some spray cheese and pickled eggs. This Femullet must have been preparing for a mating ritual, as it was particularly enhanced with a perm and adorned with both barrettes and a puffy clip-on bow, the likes of which I have not seen since 1992.

On today's journey I also spotted the extraordinary Satin Disco Jacket. I felt a time warp coming on, as the last time I saw this beast it was part of my favorite kindergarten outfit. My little beauty was pink and blue with gold satin piping and Disco Fever written across the back. Oh sweet jacket, where art thou now??